Ex III P3: Bolt Busted Loose by mippins, literature
Literature
Ex III P3: Bolt Busted Loose
“So here we are,” Hayley said over steepled fingers. “At the end of things.”
Satan frowned, keeping his attention on the report he was writing. “Get your elbows off of my desk.”
Every cell in her body wanted to bolt upright and apologize for any disrespect, but she fought the urge. Instead, she leaned further forward, chin balanced on one fist. Her other hand drifted - with an air of comfortable boredom, she hoped - to the Newton’s cradle on the desk’s corner. She set it in motion, its rhythmic clicking filling up the otherwise silent office.
“Whatcha writing?” she asked, tilting
Ex III: Judge Comments - Round Three by mippins, literature
Literature
Ex III: Judge Comments - Round Three
~7outerelements (https://www.deviantart.com/7outerelements):iconexversusplz::iconBlueLibrarian:
7outerelements (https://www.deviantart.com/7outerelements) vs. BlueLibrarian (https://www.deviantart.com/bluelibrarian)
Votes: 0-2.5 (0-2 judges; 0-1 readers)
Mippins and Vane:7outerelements: commentsBlueLibrarian: commentsMippins' vote: BlueLibrarianVane's vote: BlueLibrarian
Readers:
Vote: BlueLibrarian
BlueLibrarian: I have so many thoughts about this entry and so few ideas how to put them into words. There are things I do and don’t like about what you have. I think my favorite scene was the confrontation in Satan’s office. If I’m being honest, I don’t quite understand what it’s purpose was, but boy was it ever cool. And then th
Ex III: Judge Comments - Round Two by mippins, literature
Literature
Ex III: Judge Comments - Round Two
~fancylances (https://www.deviantart.com/fancylances):iconexversusplz::iconBlueLibrarian:
fancylances (https://www.deviantart.com/fancylances) vs. BlueLibrarian (https://www.deviantart.com/bluelibrarian)
Votes: 0.5-2 (0-2 judges; 1-0 readers)
Mippins and Vane:fancylances: commentsBlueLibrarian: commentsMippins' vote: BlueLibrarianVane's vote: BlueLibrarian
Readers:
Vote: fancylances
Erin clearly spared no effort in this round. It is dense with reference and character development. Once again, characters were split up to avoid the crowding effect of having so many people standing around, this time to greater effect. Each character set got to do something interesting, and most of them got to make me chuckle.
I'm curious what directions Erin is taking
Ex III: Round Three Prompts by mippins, literature
Literature
Ex III: Round Three Prompts
BETTER TO REIGN IN HELL
A confidential file of particular import has been stolen from Satan's office. He's not sure who took it, but he has a hunch that Ballas and his gang are somehow involved. Strange, though. Ballas has gone eerily quiet since the robbery. His goons have withdrawn from the streets and the manhunt for mortals seems to have been called off. Whatever he's up to, Satan is going to find out. He's set out into the city to find the file himself. If that means confronting Ballas face to face, so be it.
THE RED WIDOW
The Baroness has been destroyed, and with her went any semblance of structure in Nothing's black market. The city
Ex III: Judge Comments - Round One (Matches 7+8) by mippins, literature
Literature
Ex III: Judge Comments - Round One (Matches 7+8)
~Icysapphire (https://www.deviantart.com/icysapphire):iconexversusplz::iconSilvermokona:
Icysapphire (https://www.deviantart.com/icysapphire) vs. Silvermokona (https://www.deviantart.com/silvermokona)
Votes: 3-0.5 (2-0 judges; 2-1 readers)
Mippins:Icysapphire
*Don't open with floating dialogue. I've harped on a bunch of people for this throughout the round, but lucky for you, your character has a distinct enough voice to where you almost pull it off. This might even be like, one of the only acceptable cases, but it's still a peeve of mine so I'm still going to complain about it, hah. Floating dialogue (to start a story/scene) usually doesn't work because we don't know who is talking or what the setting is, so that first line is more confusing than
Ex III: Judge Comments - Round One (Matches 5+6) by mippins, literature
Literature
Ex III: Judge Comments - Round One (Matches 5+6)
~LunaInvidia (https://www.deviantart.com/lunainvidia):iconexversusplz::iconKevinfinity:
LunaInvidia (https://www.deviantart.com/lunainvidia) vs. Kevinfinity (https://www.deviantart.com/kevinfinity)
Votes: 0-4 (0-2 judges; 0-4 readers)
Mippins:LunaInvidia
*Oh dear, I've already spotted some typos/grammatical errors in the first line: Ophelia said, squinting doubtful around at their surroundings. "Doubtful" should be "doubtfully" and then "around at their surroundings" is a strange phrase. Plus, Ophelia is speaking, but then "their" is plural and I'm assuming refers to the group, but the group hasn't been established, so it reads weirdly. It's technically correct, I guess, but it's a weak opening. That's not a good sign. Honestly, since you start wit
Ex III: Judge Comments - Round One (Matches 3+4) by mippins, literature
Literature
Ex III: Judge Comments - Round One (Matches 3+4)
~JaredSol (https://www.deviantart.com/jaredsol):iconexversusplz::iconleucrotta:
JaredSol (https://www.deviantart.com/jaredsol) vs. Leucrotta (https://www.deviantart.com/leucrotta)
Votes: 3.5-0.5 (2-0 judges; 3-1 readers)
Mippins:JaredSol
*Oh boy, starting off with floating dialogue. A lot of floating dialogue. This works in movies, but not in writing, since it just confuses the reader. Who's speaking? What is the voice supposed to sound like? What's the setting? What's happening? Ground your reader, first and foremost. I have to scroll down before I learn that we're in a speakeasy. Up until that point, the reader is floating in the nether with no sense of the setting (beyond like, a table, but a table tells me nothing).
*Still kind of conf
Ex III: Judge Comments - Round One (Matches 1+2) by mippins, literature
Literature
Ex III: Judge Comments - Round One (Matches 1+2)
Preface from MrVane (https://www.deviantart.com/mrvane):
Just upfront, I want to warn everyone that my critiques are overwhelmingly negative. This is for two reasons:
--I firmly believe negative critiques are the most useful, as its generally more helpful to know what’s broken rather than be told what works.
--Problems are much much easier to find, as in general good writing and plotting by its very nature goes unnoticed the same way good machines just ‘work’. In other words I was lazy.
And speaking of taste, I am subjective and fallible and not everything I say is necessarily valid. That said, my views aren’t thoughtless and I can furnish more d
DEVIL IN THE DETAILS
You've managed, somehow, to secure the password for the Blind Pig's speakeasy and gossip hub. Inside, you learn that Satan hasn't been entirely honest. Mortals have been taken into the Underworld once before, though it was so long ago that not many would remember. Your informant isn't clear on the details; it may not have happened in Nothing, and Satan may not even remember. Either way, there should be records of the event buried away in Satan's skyscraper, with how diligent he is about paperwork. You could ask him outright, but he's a busy guy and doesn't take kindly to being accused of lying or forgetting things. Even i
--BASICS--
Name: Hayley, goes by Mippins online
Age: 23
Sex: Female
Race: Human
--APPEARANCE--
Height: 5'5, or ~1.65 m
Weight: ~135 lbs., or ~61 kg. In relation to height, that's about average.
Build: Pretty solidly average. Long legs, thick thighs, a bit of tummy jiggles and a chest big enough to fill things out but not big enough to get in the way. Little to no muscle.
Skin: Pale, but not shockingly so. Tends to get oily, especially around her face.
Hair: Brown with a hint of red, mostly straight but with a bit of a wave to it. Generally kind of disheveled and all over the place. It falls to about her lower back at its longest point. The b
Ex III P3: Bolt Busted Loose by mippins, literature
Literature
Ex III P3: Bolt Busted Loose
“So here we are,” Hayley said over steepled fingers. “At the end of things.”
Satan frowned, keeping his attention on the report he was writing. “Get your elbows off of my desk.”
Every cell in her body wanted to bolt upright and apologize for any disrespect, but she fought the urge. Instead, she leaned further forward, chin balanced on one fist. Her other hand drifted - with an air of comfortable boredom, she hoped - to the Newton’s cradle on the desk’s corner. She set it in motion, its rhythmic clicking filling up the otherwise silent office.
“Whatcha writing?” she asked, tilting
Ex III: Judge Comments - Round Three by mippins, literature
Literature
Ex III: Judge Comments - Round Three
~7outerelements (https://www.deviantart.com/7outerelements):iconexversusplz::iconBlueLibrarian:
7outerelements (https://www.deviantart.com/7outerelements) vs. BlueLibrarian (https://www.deviantart.com/bluelibrarian)
Votes: 0-2.5 (0-2 judges; 0-1 readers)
Mippins and Vane:7outerelements: commentsBlueLibrarian: commentsMippins' vote: BlueLibrarianVane's vote: BlueLibrarian
Readers:
Vote: BlueLibrarian
BlueLibrarian: I have so many thoughts about this entry and so few ideas how to put them into words. There are things I do and don’t like about what you have. I think my favorite scene was the confrontation in Satan’s office. If I’m being honest, I don’t quite understand what it’s purpose was, but boy was it ever cool. And then th
Ex III: Judge Comments - Round Two by mippins, literature
Literature
Ex III: Judge Comments - Round Two
~fancylances (https://www.deviantart.com/fancylances):iconexversusplz::iconBlueLibrarian:
fancylances (https://www.deviantart.com/fancylances) vs. BlueLibrarian (https://www.deviantart.com/bluelibrarian)
Votes: 0.5-2 (0-2 judges; 1-0 readers)
Mippins and Vane:fancylances: commentsBlueLibrarian: commentsMippins' vote: BlueLibrarianVane's vote: BlueLibrarian
Readers:
Vote: fancylances
Erin clearly spared no effort in this round. It is dense with reference and character development. Once again, characters were split up to avoid the crowding effect of having so many people standing around, this time to greater effect. Each character set got to do something interesting, and most of them got to make me chuckle.
I'm curious what directions Erin is taking
Ex III: Round Three Prompts by mippins, literature
Literature
Ex III: Round Three Prompts
BETTER TO REIGN IN HELL
A confidential file of particular import has been stolen from Satan's office. He's not sure who took it, but he has a hunch that Ballas and his gang are somehow involved. Strange, though. Ballas has gone eerily quiet since the robbery. His goons have withdrawn from the streets and the manhunt for mortals seems to have been called off. Whatever he's up to, Satan is going to find out. He's set out into the city to find the file himself. If that means confronting Ballas face to face, so be it.
THE RED WIDOW
The Baroness has been destroyed, and with her went any semblance of structure in Nothing's black market. The city
DEVIL IN THE DETAILS
You've managed, somehow, to secure the password for the Blind Pig's speakeasy and gossip hub. Inside, you learn that Satan hasn't been entirely honest. Mortals have been taken into the Underworld once before, though it was so long ago that not many would remember. Your informant isn't clear on the details; it may not have happened in Nothing, and Satan may not even remember. Either way, there should be records of the event buried away in Satan's skyscraper, with how diligent he is about paperwork. You could ask him outright, but he's a busy guy and doesn't take kindly to being accused of lying or forgetting things. Even i
--BASICS--
Name: Hayley, goes by Mippins online
Age: 23
Sex: Female
Race: Human
--APPEARANCE--
Height: 5'5, or ~1.65 m
Weight: ~135 lbs., or ~61 kg. In relation to height, that's about average.
Build: Pretty solidly average. Long legs, thick thighs, a bit of tummy jiggles and a chest big enough to fill things out but not big enough to get in the way. Little to no muscle.
Skin: Pale, but not shockingly so. Tends to get oily, especially around her face.
Hair: Brown with a hint of red, mostly straight but with a bit of a wave to it. Generally kind of disheveled and all over the place. It falls to about her lower back at its longest point. The b
--BASICS--
Name: Bastion
Age: 8
Sex: Male
Race: Domestic short-hair cat
--APPEARANCE--
Size: Large
Weight: 20 lbs.
Build: Stocky, particularly in the shoulders. A touch chubby but he just looks large rather than fat. If he was a human, he'd be built like a linebacker.
Skin: Black nose and black paw pads.
Hair: Black and short. Has a bit of a rusty brown hue in the sunlight.
Eyes: Yellow-green.
Other defining features: Usually looks worried.
Clothing: None. He's a cat.
--PERSONALITY--
Overview: Bastion is a wary dude. He's very friendly and cuddly once you allow him to scope you out, but he's easily scared off by sudden movements or loud
NEXT STOP, NOTHING
Death isn't exactly trustworthy, and you can't help but wonder if he's hiding something. It's possible he has some leads on a way out, at least. He's been ground-bound by Satan, forcing him to stay in Nothing and deal with this issue, so you know he's in the city somewhere. The locals are a bit panicked by Death's presence, seeing as he never stays in his realm for very long. The city is buzzing with rumors, the most common of which being that his truck has been spotted near the trainyard. There's also a rumor that the trains run shipments between other Underworld realms. Shipments of what, no one seems to know. You get win
--BASICS--
Name: Coroner
Age: Immortal; looks about 40.
Sex: Male
Race: Demon
--APPEARANCE--
Height: 6'0 (about 1.83m)
Weight: Average
Build: His upper body is a bit stocky, with broad shoulders and a thick torso. He's essentially a satyr demon, so everything below the waist is goat-like, though modeled more after a mountain ram than a barnyard goat.
Skin: Pale white. Literally white.
Hair: Very light blonde, straight, almost angelic. He keeps it short and neatly styled. His fur is the same color blonde, almost white, and it covers his legs, tail, and ears. It's quite thick and shaggy, despite his efforts to keep it in check.
Eyes: Bright
I am once again surrounded by absolutely nothing. White expands as far I can see. I quickly drop to the ground, holding out my hands along the surface, only to find that it's completely solid. I slowly stand back up, letting out a slow sigh.
"Bummer, I guess the Editor learned after last time. Oh well, we'll just have to wait, then."
"Waiting serves no purpose. Let's continue walking, Sir Daniel." Oh look, he stopped calling me wimp. I guess that's a good thing . We continue walking along a large, flat, emptiness for a while. Finally, I hear a noise from behind me. It sounds like a car engine, interspersed with some puffs, grunts, and scr
DCQ on Tumblr
So I figure a lot of you have seen this already but I'm posting about it here too in case any of my writer watchers don't follow me on tumblr and are interested in this. I made a blog called Daily Character Questions, and as the name suggests, it's a blog that posts a new question for your character every day. I take question submissions if you have any you'd like to see posted, and sometimes I post character building resources/tips as well. I'm hoping it will be a pretty cool resource to keep people thinking about their characters. Plus, who doesn't like talking about their OCs?
So check it out. 8D It's kind of barren because